It Pays To Proofread:

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

·      The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."  The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." 

·      The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. 

·      The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 
"I Upped My Pledge -- Up Yours". 

·      Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.  Smile at someone who is hard to love.  Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. 

·      Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help. 

·      Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.  It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Bring your husbands. 

·      For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 

·      Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 

·      A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.  Music will follow. 

·      Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 

·      Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.  They need all the help they can get. 

·      At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"  Come early and listen to our choir practice. 

·      Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 

·      Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 

·      Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. 

·      The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility. 

·      Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -- prayer and medication to follow. 

·      The women of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.  They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 

·      This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.  Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

·      Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.  All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. 

·      The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 

·      Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.  Please use the back door. 

·      The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.  The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 

·      Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use large double door at the side entrance.